[strazzere]

Found this while scanning the internet, on an Aussie site. Name escapes me at the moment, Funny stuff.





THINGS TO DO TO STAY ON THE BENCH
(FOR GIRLS)

I.TEAM MEETINGS
1.Don’t go to team meetings on time – they are only for players who don’t know what they’re doing.
2.If you have a team meeting after the game, take that opportunity to go to the toilet, or better still catch up with someone who takes your fancy in another team. Team meetings after games are clearly for the coach to tell the other players what they did wrong.
3.If you are forced to go to a team meeting, take your mobile phone. If you can’t talk on it during the meeting, you will at least be able to SMS or play games.
4.If you are asked for your input at meetings, make sure people understand that you are not responsible for any mistakes, and that the setter is not setting to you well!
5.Positioning at team meetings is important. Either sit with your back to the coach, or hide behind another player so you can make the appropriate faces when comments are made.
6.Finish team meetings quickly so that you can go and watch the guys’ game.

II.WARM UP
1.Whatever you do, don’t warm up with the rest of the team. They will understand that you need more time to fix your hair, go to the loo, or pick up!
2.Don’t bother stretching – your muscles are probably too sore to do that.
3.In the spiking warm up, don’t bother to chase a ball. Stand in line and others will give you the ball.
4.Let the setter know that their sets suck if you hit the ball into the net. They need to know so they can make you look better during the game.
5.In serving warm up serve the ball as hard as you can. If it goes into the net you will get to serve again.
6.During the spiking warm up touch the net on your follow through. You don’t lose a point for net touches in warm up.
7.Make sure you catch the eye of the player from that other team when you’re warming up, so they know that you really are a good player.
8.Don’t say ‘good hit’ or ‘good set’ to anyone, otherwise they’ll get a big head.
9.Don’t collect the balls after the warm up – if the coach hasn’t put you on the court, he can collect the balls – that’s what they get paid for!
10.Don’t run in quickly when the coach calls you in – you need to save energy to play.
11.If you lose control of the ball when passing with your partner, don’t chase the ball. If you yell loud enough, someone else will get it for you.

III.THE GAME
1.Sit back in your chair and get your phone out. Let people know how stupid your coach is for not putting you on.
2.Don’t encourage the team on the court.
3.Leave their drink bottles up the other end at the change of sets.
4.If you get subbed on, go up to the court slowly so the coach gets a time delay penalty. You’ll need that time to work out where you are.
5.You won’t have to receive serve because that’s not your job. The other players are warm and into the game.
6.If you see a double block in front of you, hit the ball and make it go like a rocket. If you get blocked out it’s the setter’s fault, and the others should cover you.
7.Don’t dive for the ball, you’ll mess your hair.
8.You are allowed to hit the net if the set is too tight. That way the setter knows they are setting badly.
9.If you get called for a net touch when blocking, really drag on the net and pull it down, to let everyone know how disappointed you are.
10.When called to sub on, walk up slowly so that everyone know how wrong the coach was to leave you off.
11.When subbed off, throw the number paddle down so that everyone knows that you should have stayed on.
12.At time outs make sure you have a drink first – that is much more important than listening to the coach.
13.Also at time outs, take the time to talk to your friends in the crowd.